You guys, I am sorry for not posting for so long.
I am finding that as this pregnancy progresses my spiritual walk is slowing down to a spiritual stand, and I have not felt in a place to post on here when I have felt so disconnected from God. But, I know now that this is just an excuse. I should have been posting on what I have been going through, instead of feeling like I need to be in some “perfect” place to be able to post.
The truth of the matter is, there is no such thing as a perfect place when it comes to people. We are imperfect by default, and perfection really isn’t possible as far as we are concerned (on our own).
But, perfect is being under the covering of Christ… that is the most perfect place we can be because then He is leading our lives, instead of us.
So, why was I worried about being “perfect”? To be honest, I don’t know. I think in the world of online presence we all look to appear “perfect”, and that is a very dangerous trap… for us, and for others. Not only are we saying to God that we can do it on our own (news flash, we can’t), but we are making others feel like they are incapable and worthless because they aren’t as “perfect” as the person they saw on the internet.
God has really been showing me the importance of vulnerability. He has revealed to me that it is one of the most important things to Him- us being vulnerable- to Him most of all, but to others as well. Instead of trying to appear perfect why not just show who you really are to everyone? Share the good, but share the bad as well. Share your struggles, problems, issues, and all the other synonyms that mean that same thing. That is what is going to truly reach people. Instead of “impressing them” you are going to touch them. You are going to make stronger, more intimate relationships with people. You’re going to relate to them…
This applies to WAY MORE than just online, too. This is for everything. Vulnerability in your day to day life, both online and in person.
This doesn’t mean that we should complain though… God doesn’t like grumbling and murmuring. It’s just being open and honest.
It’s scary, and isn’t natural. As you can tell I am not good at it in the slightest, but praise God that He is doing a work in me to change that about me. So, I am going to try and be more open, honest, and vulnerable. Because I am not Super Woman and I am not God. I am just another woman of the human species trying to figure everything out in the day to day. I am no better than anyone else. I need a Savior just like everyone else does, so why do I try and pretend that I am more than that? Why do any of us try to pretend that we are more than that? (pride)
So, let’s be a little more vulnerable, shall we?
As this pregnancy has been progressing I have been more and more emotional and fleshly. So, I had a revelation.
I don’t believe that God deals with us while we are pregnant. Not to say that He abandons us, because He doesn’t. He just can’t deal with us on a super personal level because the scriptures say that,
“God is a Spirit: and they that worship him must worship him in spirit and in truth.” (John 4:24 KJV)
But I am not in a spiritual state, I am in a third trimester, 31 weeks, super emotional and fleshly state from the hormones and just where I am in my life right now. But, that is okay, to a certain degree.
I have used this as an excuse to not do what I am supposed to do, and that is not okay. I can still do what God is calling me to do, and just do it in the state that I am in right now, as long as I am not leading anyone in the wrong direction. So, for that, I am sorry, to God and everyone else. I ask everyone’s forgiveness and ask God to forgive me in Jesus name.
But, as far as being in a spiritual stand…. I am going to take you guys to the Old Testament. Let’s visit Numbers chapter 9,
“So it was alway: the cloud covered it by day, and the appearance of fire by night. And when the cloud was taken up from the tabernacle, then after that the children of Israel journeyed: and in the place where the cloud abode, there the children of Israel pitched their tents. At the commandment of the Lord the children of Israel journeyed, and at the commandment of the Lord they pitched: as long as the cloud abode upon the tabernacle they rested in their tents. And when the cloud tarried long upon the tabernacle many days, then the children of Israel kept the charge of the Lord, and journeyed not. And so it was, when the cloud was a few days upon the tabernacle; according to the commandment of the Lord they abode in their tents, and according to the commandment of the Lord they journeyed. And so it was, when the cloud abode from even unto the morning, and that the cloud was taken up in the morning, then they journeyed: whether it was by day or by night that the cloud was taken up, they journeyed. Or whether it were two days, or a month, or a year, that the cloud tarried upon the tabernacle, remaining thereon, the children of Israel abode in their tents, and journeyed not: but when it was taken up, they journeyed. At the commandment of the Lord they rested in the tents, and at the commandment of the Lord they journeyed: they kept the charge of the Lord , at the commandment of the Lord by the hand of Moses” (16-23).
So, as of right now, I feel like I am at a place where God’s cloud is resting, and He has been telling me to rest, also. I haven’t felt a move, so I haven’t moved. I have been “tarrying in my tent” not really knowing what to do or not to do because I am not in a place to journey from my emotions, hormones, and “fleshliness”. I am not in a place of worshipping Him “in spirit” because I am stuck in the flesh.
But, I know that He is not mad at me. This is a time in my life where I have to worry about the cares of this world. My body is growing another human being right now and I have to be in a place of paying attention to my flesh so I take care of this child inside of me. So, I know that this is a season of my life, and I will be able to follow a cloud again, soon. But as of right now, I have to tarry in my tent and grow this baby, and I will just update you guys on what I am doing while I am tarrying.
“Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.” (Ephesians 6:13)
Thank you guys for your patience, and I love you all,